I felt when he ignores me...

is it 'cuz i do have sth feeling w. him?

OMG, he's married with a son, he's my boss...then how could i?

I know what i want

n that's the reason why im so worried

...i think this is the final time b/t us,

everything will change when he comes back. We'll no longer like before.

I loved him n i know that's stupid, but i just cant resist.

If i got a chance, so sorry with his wife, but i want to sleep with him. Not for my personal benefits... but intangible benefit...to make my heart in peace.

I'm weak...n i know that i need to break the limit, throw away all good reputations, to freely live...to experience new new...

At the end of the day, it is the education, right? right? right?

Sooooooooooo tired!

How many times do I utilize this phrase????I don't remember.............don't even wanna count............just 'cuz too tired!I went out with my friends tonight.......I smiled a lot, they joked a lot.......said lots of funny things..........beside me fulls of people............but loneliness inside............I lUv U so, DuMmY!

Time comes late today.......................useless............cant help me to recover anythin'...............missin' U permanently in my mind................Friendz, crusher...................nobody could fulfill ur gap.............Dont balme me stupid! It's useless!.............'cuz I'm really.............iT's mE siNce tHe dAy u mailto:leFt@#$%^&*^%&*()!

Dont leave me! I just wanna shout out this sentence..............but sth choked............tight tongue..........tears are liberated today......................I just wanna cry, yell ur name so many times., hug u tightly n warmly................in my arms............I cry n beat u on ur chest hardly.................then, choke............n cry more n more................sTuCk wIthOut uR luV!

Tell me where u come from...................dont tell me ur origin....................dont tell me u forget me totally...............'cuz in my heart............it's where u belong.................always............forever until the day I get married..................with U.......................where I can find the peace, silent a minute.........a rest for my heart n my mind..................it's where I belong..............plz take me back to HIM..............He may forget me..............but plz don't let us fall apart..............I belong to HIM...........only HIM................he belongs to me........................not compulsory.............He does not need to be so................if he does not want................sadness, tears n depression would help me to wash out my hurt..................bUt, juSt tAkE mE baCk!

Birthday's empty

This is my birthday party......just around some people came.....n they came scatteredly........whatever...........so funny n so happy!

Well, this is such a great time in my life when ever'sadness, worryin' n their stupid tail all disappear!
I open my heart totally n receive people's luvs all around..........
Happiness is when u'r pleased with ur "assets"....

I cant say totally I forget HIM.....actually I still think of HIM but in a positive way..........n believe in the miracle of the life...........one day, God might bring ME back to HIM- my love........One day, we'll know, Yep, it is!
However, stubborn I am! He's still my destiny until I find a new one replaced the position....!!

Your Love Number is 9

You are a peaceful person, and you tend to have calm, stable relationships. Connecting deeply is another skill of yours, and you tend to know lovers well. Trusting and laid back, you are an easy person to love. Love can be a little blinding for you, so open your eyes a little more!

EmPty.....................eMpty......................

This is such a tired day, hix, so many stuffs to do.............CSS is totally crazy like her name, how can I read, highlight, take notes n draw mind map for 4 chapters in just OnLy 1 dAy?????
T_____________T, kiLl mE inStEad!
Ack ack, my birthday's comin'............1 more year.............much more stuffs must b done...................so be adult for wHaT?????

Tired tired...........I hate studyin'...........today is a grEaT dAy!.........I've got the meanin' of hAppIneSs.......it's when u'r satisfied with ur life..............he he, life's hard to be satisfied........he he, that's why I'Ve beEn uP leVel...........he he ^0^
Stayin' at home's never a boredom..........just recognize that some near days...........it's even a joy..........I feel safely here..............at home............neAr mY beLuVed pEoPle!

I become more n more timid............not in the appearance (inversely, I'm so friendly n open these days, he he, catch this opportunity!!!!)..............but iN mY inNer miNd?!?
Oe oe oe, computer's got viruses, Y____Y..........11 viruses.............hix, hav to del n re-format the Win..............T________T, uNlUcky lIke bE bItTen by dOg!

Not the hot day, it's not rainin' today!

Runnin' in the yard........shoutin'.............n sweatin'.......happiness n sadness..............runnin' for just a piece of mental~~~~!
Be stuck in a room...........countin' 1 long arrow n short one another...............Listenin'.........it's important.............change my life somedays............hold pen in hands...........made it move..........line by line.............not straightly$%^&****!

2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.............be closedly acquainted.............happiness n hurt...................a drop of water 6th or 7th or even more................non-sense stimes..............n meanin'ful stimes..............dedicated all my heart for s/b.................then, take it back not fully.............only a half...............dOn'T wAnt tO loSe anOtHer haLf.............Mr.Doe asks for it- a half-oe, only a half..........I keep for myself............some........some more asks for it............hestitated.........gIvE oR nOt?............wanna......but cant.............stuck)()()()()(!

Tried.......... to be hurt....but not try.........unable to feel pleasant........#############!

Totally.....I change

God gives me chance to meet T, he's my just-friend........he has a crush on me.......He usually looks at me.......silently, try best to catch my attention...........with jokes, with events n news...........I smile n he immediately grabs my eyes with a meaningful mess behind his eyes.................He's waited for me outside of the door........to say sth with me..............I know..................before, I would have felt shy n hestitated........today, I felt nothin'.........smile n say some normal things..........walk into the door which's kept by him..............nO fEelIng iNsiDe mE!

God provides me an opportunity to meet C, he's not my friend........I meet him once or twice a week depends on the study schedule...........he's older than me.........he gives me several useful advices..........he's trembly.........facin' me........he's miserable in hidin' his feelin'...........he stares at me often..........he likes me for sure.........n he's stuck in his luv............with me...........nOthIn' bE iNsiDe!

God sends me an occasion to meet G, he's my indirect friend........I know him.......n he knows me..........we know each other............not yet spent time together.......He invited me........a date............I halfly agreed........I arrived there...........but not met him........although he's there........Then, we'r gonna meet each other again........I wait..........but it's meanin'less............I know...........from the bottom of my heart.........it says............not now.........maintenance time..........wait! O.K, let's see!

God invites me to his garden "LUV", he's left me outside.........n.............just wait......he said........I'v seen lots of people........comin' in....n.....out the door.........some'r smilin'.............some'r cryin'...........some'r normally walkin' as a habit or a must................but some do not intend to walk into that door.........but they'r absorbed...........like mental flirted by magnet........some'r eager to come into.......then, never see them out...........some'r curiously steepin' into.........then, regret.........not wanna be out..........but the door's already closed........they'r paused..........gaze at the door many times...........not want to walk away..........I'm gradually impatient more n more............God's not come back.............it seems like I've to wait more.............but why? There's available door............just push it n come in...........a little curiousity.........a little hestitation...........what's behind that door? A joy or a sadness? A happiness or a depression?..............Would I lose anythin' to compensate?.............Would I get some subsidizing instead?........

Well, actually..........I've tried once..........reach the door........a surprised shock...........uncomfortable...........but able to addictive-formin'........

Oe, better to sit here n wait for God comes back........lookin' into the door.......I see God...........he's talkin' with a baby..................he seems to do dealin' sth..........baby's cute with innocent face........baby stares at me.........baby says sth with God...........God seems to try to implore sth more..........baby refuses.........n I see God's disappoinment...........baby does not want to redo sth.............what's that? Does it relate to me? ..........I'm wonderin' here- outside of the door-...........then, I see baby's given God a paper...........a word written on that.........Curiously, I shout loudly............."Let me see it, dear God!"...........God seems to hestitate.........."I guess, u would not prefer it.......Nope, I wont...".......a little disappointed.......I'm angry at God.........but baby smiles with me.........nOt yEt fiNisHed- Baby says smiley!

I've made u sad today........

I know 'bout it when looked straight to ur eyes.......U did not look at me........but the way u show......lets me know that u'r hurt...........I just intended to make u try that feelin'.........the way I feel............I want to let u get that hurt......smoothly but deeply..............n I thought that would satisfy me............I wished to do it all the times..........then, when it's done..................I feel sad also.......
Why? U'r deserved to get it..........U did break my heart n painted black my optimism......U luv ME but u ever says it out loud.............Does it make u ashamed to say ur luv to Me?

Well, I even want to do more more moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee just to let u fall into the valley of sadness n frustration...............
I don't blame u.............but actually since the day I met u, I've gradually not taken care of my studyin'- one of the used-to-be-most-important to me previously.........Ur mistake? or Mine?
I failed the mid-term test! I've received this news with a cold face..........nO fEeling inSidE...!
How papoo I am! What should I do? I know my luv's gone away........I know it's too hurt to recognize a hurt..............But why? why? Why I could not turn back to the Me I's used to???

If I had known luv's able to change Me, nEvEr! eVer!fOreVer, I would not have given it a chance to penetrate into my life...............
Stimes I wonder is my six-sense wrong? It tells me that u'r my half of life.......mY mAN.........1/2 my soul, my heart n my later life..................Then, it seems like we'r not born for each other..........
I'm not sad anymore..............just feel so tired...............tell me where I could find a way to get out of this bad mood????!!!?????

Dummy- it's ur name but not urs, I made this for u, u dont know 'bout its existence...........n u'll never get the chance to know that................I just feel regret I should have not created this name for u...............'cuz now it becomes a big stone preventin' me from the way out.
The way's named "FORGET YOU"

One joy for each day

Today is a happy day ^>^, i've got several happiness in the same day, ahhhhhhhhhh, great! I luv TODAY!
Well, 1stly, Mr."Thot", he he, his full name is Kev..., but he has a broken leg due to the accident (ack ack, it's on the way of recoverin' ^>^) took care of me much although I'm not his favorite stud! Then, he took me as an example for the theories several times, he he, it's normal, I know, but I felt happy of that, he he ^0^
2ndly, in Desgin class today, there was a boy stared at me, eh eh, don't misunderstand huh! He's my friend, but difficult to get acquainted with him...so, he he, happy happy, it seems like he was considerin' 'bout acceptin' me as his friend, hao hao ah ^+^

3rdly, ack ack, today I've got a HipHop class, he he, I missed 2 ws of it, hence, ack ack, teacher seemed to focus on teachin' only me, T__T, how bad my dance was! Back to the past, I used to good at aerobics dance sooo much, then, ack ack, for a long time did not practices, Y__Y, sooo bad nah...! Oe, he helped me almost all the steps, ack ack, so bad nah.......The only pleasant thing was derived from the practices n movements of Hiphop lesson! So great! I'm a kind of sporty girl, so I'm very eager to exercise, ha ha, so great!

It's been such a long time until this great mood comes back again! Yeah, I luv this life!
He he, today I've got around 10 calls from my friend n my teammates, he he, so buzi huh! Additionally, I recognize that my friendz always take care of me n luv me as the way I am, so happy!!!!!!!!!!
Oe, then, one of my new friend called me several times to ask me for a date, T__T, so regretful, I've got so many stuffs to do, so, cant accept his invitation *0*
Whatever, such a gorgeous day!

I LUV U, TODAY