Again, I am walking into the automatic door out of habit. I go to uni. to repay books. Shit, a stupid feeling ramming in my mind, where is he? Where is the man I'm looking for?
If I had not opened my heart, If I had not given him a chance, If I had controlled myself, If I had closed my eyes, If... if... many more if, I would not have to go around to find out my heart. I know exactly where it is now, I'm sure who keeps it but I do not take it back. I do not know how to take it back or I do not want to. I don't know! Oh, my stranger!
Behind Jaenul, we're on the mob running around the city. Missing him, I turn my eyes from side to side to find someone who I get used to calling him Dummy. Memory streamline brings me back to the 1st day I met him. It was the 1st meeting of my team in sem 1. "Late!! Shit!! Hope they don't get angry"- I was running throughout corridors, passing by the library, I stopped in front of a door of a small room- Seft-studying Room.

"Phew"- "Sorryyyyy, I'm late". There are around 6 people in the room, 4 team's members and 2 others. Taking a seat for me, S complained "Late! Penalties for u". "Oe, sorry!!! sorry!!"- "What a shame!!"- I's whispering. A was talking with a man, they were discussing about some stuffs. Staring at the man, "How vivacious he is"- my 1st impression about this boy. He seemed to fluently reply to all of A's issues. A high esteem for him and a little afraid of him, Oohs, a stranger.

"Hey, who allows u to have a look at them?"- Unruly, sitting on the garden chair, I asked. Gazing at me with a strict look, "I do not have right to look at them, do I?". "Hell, shit!! Chokane- He thinks who he is"- I was gnashing my teeth. Then, he freely allowed him to stare at my photos, it seemed that he was interested in them. Surprisingly, somebody took care of my stuffs. Funny, he's a stranger.

Today is a hot day. Seemingly, it is too hot to ask for a rain. I love rain, I love the feeling of being in a cold room and listen to the rhythm of the raining mingled with music from personal computer. A vague missing covers me. A nice smile, not too handsome, I can't stop me from smiling. He's soooo cute, not the most handsome, not the most talent person, but... he's the number one, at least I think so. "This is to let you know I love you"- "Pheew" how many times I have read this sentence, 8, 10 or even more, hey, I did not count, counting is something done when you are waken up, now, I guess I am not. Red face, hey, come on, stranger, of course.

Today is a hotter day. Raining is taking a holiday somewhere. It's been a week since the 1st day of my sleep. Pinching on the cheek, now, I guess I'm awake. He has disappeared. I cannot find him though walking throughout the campus. Impatience, worrying and missing are three of my permanent feelings. Worrying, a little bit more and more, he wants to hide me, I guess. "Nonsense, anyway, just a stranger".

How many times I am wondering that should I luv him? I don't know. Does he still love me? I don't know. Still? Yes, it is. He used to love me, but now, there is no answer for that question. There is nothing found to be similar between us, viewpoint? Not. Characteristics? Of course, not. Origin? Hell, totally different. Hence, nothing can be found to be the same or just be look like. I say I love him, "Stop that shit! He is not suitable with you, yerk!"- my friends grumble once a second. He tells his friends that he loves me, "Hey boy, wake up, she's not the one for you, she's of course not suitable for you". And we have no choice, God, may I ask you a question why you put us in this situation? Waiting for his reply, I keep standing at the same point 'cuz with me, he's a stranger and since that time, I'm wondering am I a stranger with him?

Life contains surprise. Ooh, Dummy is the same group with me. At the 1st time of looking at group name, I saw his name, but I didn't feel anything except of a little unnamed worriness. He would not join this class, for sure, he would switch group. I felt a vague hurt stinging inside my heart. His clost friend joined my group, I saw him, try to ignore him, but I felt uncomfortable. His friend stimes stared at me with a curious and inquisitive look, Oh, don't mind, I ignored his look. But then, I don't remember what number of the Internet 4 Biz class is, Dummy appeared in the class, I pretended as if his appearance is normal, but my heart is beating and beating, more and more, Oh, my God, I can't stop it. It was the 1st time, I discovered that stranger is not only stranger.

5 weeks, I'm living in a hanging in a mid air- air of happiness and luv. I luv to see his smiles; and although Jaenu always yields at me that he is ugly, no I don't think so, he is the most handsome man I've ever known. Hix, luv blinds me, he doesn't recognize how sad I was when he was sad; of course, he does not know that when I was sad, I crept into a restroom and I cried alone but tried to reduce its sound as much as possible. I don't want my family knew 'bout that. However, ... I want to let him know, I want to share all my feeling and minutes with him whether it is a good, sad or even bad time in my life. His face, his actions and stimes his voice lifted me up and helped me to release, I felt better. Then, I's confident to open the door with a radiant smile on my face and said hello to my Daddy. Oh, it seems like the stranger is no longer a stranger.

I sent him a mess and said that I wanted to meet him in Thursday. He said no, he did not hav class, I angried. He... never tried to do an'thing for me, I angried. I yielded at my mphone "How dare u! Tomorow, I won't tell u an'thing". Tomorow is comin' without him...He was absent, I'm worried, maybe my words hurted him. I tried to comfort him by sendin' an mess with content "Hi, seungnim, it's a long time that we haven't chatted with each other. We will today" and with a smile icon :) . He did not reply me, I felt disappointed, but I's still online and waited hopelessly. He was not online that night. I was angry with him many days after that, I ignored him and I see sadness in his eyes. At that time, I thought that our rltship was ended. Situationally, the stranger comes back to be a stranger.

But, life is beyond the definition of doubt. He and me are in the same team- Internet team. Ahhs, God seems to provoke me, when I want to forget him, He put him into my life again. Working in the same team with him, I tried to lead my behaviour as smooth and normal as possible. I don't want to let him know that how weak my mind is. "I have a private one-by-one meeting with him" I just want to shout out, I was so happy. I called him and said that we need a meeting to change the chosen topic due to some of its probs. Then, I talked with him in a room, I was surprised that I was calm down more than I imagined. He was also. Stimes, I recognized that I was peering at him attentively with full-of-luv eyes. Hix, wake up! I moved my eyes and hoped that he did not notice. At that time, I feel nothin', surprisingly, I should have been trumbled much, but, in fact I was not. Do I luv him? Stranger stimes is a question...

He waited me outside tha parking lot, maybe, I just guessed. I stepped over him and said nothin'. He seemed to be sad... That night, I sent him two messages, one is to ask him 'bout assignment, the other is to urge him quickly answer my 1st mess. I can't wait anymore after 10 minutes, I switch off my mphone and I was sad all the night.

I went to school this morning earlier than usual 'cuz of a meeting with teacher. I ran out to print an assignment draft, I must be hurry up 'cuz of lateness. I saw him and I felt disappointed he maybe did not do his assigned tasks. During the meeting, I tried to pretend that I'm O.K, I was staring at my teacher and kept my eyes at him only. But I saw Dummy's peering at me twice or more, his quite look. The meeting was finished and I just wanted to get out of the room, I did not want to look at him anymore. His friend stopped me with questions 'bout our website. I answered with a hiden fleer smile. Dummy gave me a paper with his note. I grabbed it and turned away immediately. My face showed an anger could not be hiden. I felt tired and did not want to say anything. Jaenu, even is my best friend, did not recognize that I am depressed. I took a long sleep with lots of fulfilled-event dreams. I woke up, tired and bored, I cried without saying anything. I turn on my PC and unintentionally I looked at the paper that he gave me. Oh, I try to prevent me from cryin' his part...was printed out. Why he did not tell me that he did burn midnight oil to finish his tasks. Ahhs, I wrongly blamed him. Now, I only wish my stranger, plz, not turns into a stranger.

Time will tell. I have learnt that stimes luv does not need to be shouted out or to showed off. Silent luv is still longlasting ever.