Nov 29th 2006- some diary notes........: Stuck n Depressed

Shittttttttttttt, nope, I don't mean life....life is not shit!!!!!!!!!!!
But people around me all get mad n it seems like they try to let me down, no way!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've got 2 lovely sisters in my life, one is my younger sis at home and the other is my buddy- Jaenu. I can not say that I luv them more than ever'one, but in some ways, their ranks are just behind my parents n my current lover.... Nope, it's not correct totally, stimes theirs even are much higher than Dummy....
Now both of them are in problems, negatively n postively.
My younger sis, call her Su Chan, she's stepped into the 1st step of the ladder named ADULT, she's got a bf! Well, I've to admit that it was such a big shock for me at the 1st time...I've got used to thinkin' that Su Chan is still a baby...an innocent babe who is very lucky 'cuz of not yet dippin' in the mud... then I recognize that I was wrong, how shocked I am!!!!!!!!! However, it is not such a bog problem ('cuz I took my little cute foot n dipped it in the mud very soon, when I was just 12y/o, around 6th grade ^>^), until she starts to tell lies n be proud of it (she thinks that nobody could find out the truths...). But she's got the wrong way, I'm her omni, older than her, more experienced than her, moreover, I luv n take care of her n we also hav a same horoscope sign: Sagittarius!!! That's why I discover that she tells lies n I am so sad 'bout that..... I promise her that I wouldn't tell anybody if she tells me the truth... But she still not believes in me, I'm so sad n even depressed.....!

Similarly to Su Chan, Jaenu is my 10-y buddy, can u believe? 10-y buddy? So, u know how closed we are with each other, how much precious time we did share n how we understand 'bout each other... But what do all of these things mean?when Jaenu's depressed now n I'm frustrated!!!!!!!!!
I's tried my best utilizin' many methods with the main aim to lift her up... but I'm still failed... What should I do? Her life experiences a big change negatively and extremely... She's lovelorn with her 1st deep luv....She luvs him so n it's also the 1st time she did put lots of hopes, dreams n efforts in constructin' it....Then, he went away n ever'thing seems to be collapsed! She was very painful in her heart... She told me that she ever waste a tear for this man, but who knows?
She tries, tries harder n harder, then she's halfly overcomed it.... She still thinks of him n it still hurts her much....

Then, she put lots of emotion n attention into her relative- Charles.... But in fact, I've to say that she was too possessive when she wants him to only well-treat her.... Suddenly, he turns his attention to one of Jaenu's relative omni... She got very angry, she yielded at him, said bad things 'bout him n victimize him with many unlucky accidents.... I don't judge whether she's right or wrong... Just feel so sad for her, 'cuz after that she's fallen again into the hole of depression...N this time, it seems that she could not recover anymore..... She told me that she has a crush on Dummy's friend, a cutie guy.... N I did hope that this would lift her up.... but, she thinks he's nothin' n seems to far far away the real life, she tries to shut down the door of her mind n never allow anybody to come into it again....

What could I do??? I luv them sooo much..........N nobody in this world could replace their positions in my heart....I have to do sth, even they may yield at me n say some bad thing to me "it's not ur job...", "u're too curious..."......... But I still hav to do sth..........
God, If I could ask u 1 question.... "Why do you create me n put me into this life when I seems to be useless n nobody needs me actually???
Even my lover- Dummy- he gets angry at me this morning.....He seems to blame me 'cuz I do not try to entreat him to come back to me........What does he actually want??? He wants me to be on my knees n say out loud that I luv him so n could not live w/t him, doesn' he???
O.K, he's got a right to request, it's his rights.... But plzzzz remember that I'm a girl, at least, he must giv me a chance to keep up my appearances' sake....
Yep, Some days we'll know I was the one for you- Dummy....
Years pass away n I still can't forget him...........
Yep, maybe, one day I may recognize that I have closed the door to my heart already like Jaenu...

At that time, who could help me??????