When Angel defeats Devil

Seein' ur photos, nope exactly ur friend's photos n u're in those... A hard heavy rock weigh upon my heart... My mind seems to be away.... I cant' think anythin' my mind is empty n I even could not breathe....
I dont' know how to explain that feelin', I'm still in that mood when writin' the entry....
I am so ashamed.... I am a devil or even a more fierce than that.... U might be not an angel, but u live as a way u are.... U express ur thinkin' ur feelin' directly w/t any hestitation whereas I cant'.... I admire u, honestly!
U know, I've just cried.... As usual, I stepped very quickly to the bathroom, closed the door carefully, then sat on the cover of the chair... silently, I cried... Tears were busted....
I was such a terrible girl, I just luv myself.... I've told people with assumed-to-be clever lies...I thought I was smart.... I'm the No 1... But I'm wrong.... U show me that a happy life couldn't be achieved when I do not know how to luv others, or even try to do so.............

Starin' at ur photos, U were smiling with ur friend... n it's quite clearly that U're completely happy with what u hav............... I'm a loser............ I've got more friends than u,...........some are considered to be my buddiess, but what's got? I cant' not express my real feelin' n my luv...........I cant' share confidence with others.........although I really wanna share.........I can't.................
Meetin' u makes me recognize that all of my achievements since now are nothin'............. I'm a good child with my parents, a smart n experienced omni in my younger sis's eyes, often be concerned as an example for her..........I'm a social, extroverted, optimistic n always-happy girl- it's what my friendz state 'bout me............... A good student with a long study excellent achievements........... a cutie girl with many "tails"..........
It seems like my life has nothin' to complaint...........Then, u happen, u come into my life, 1stly as a stranger.............u get acquainted with me through my thinkin'...... U stared at me ever' time u had a chance..........while at the same time I ignored u as much as I can...........

I's wrong totally............. I feel guilty................ I think that I could not meet u again, I'll be ashamed of lookin' at ur adorable innocent face.......... I met u, got acquainted with u, luved u, let u know 'bout that, made u sad n be stuck in several questions n I left u...........all things for purposes........... not good purposes............

U know, my purpose is to demonstrate that u'r weaker than me..........I'm invaluable.............. that I've a right to be higher than u......... although I did not express it out, actually I treated myself as a queen.......... then, cosseted myself as a adorable princess in that queen's eyes...............

Yep, I admit all my intentions........... I've decided I hav to get out of all of these shit things.........after graduation, I'll do some social activities...... then, study Mkt course, it'll take me only 7 monthz, not much..........Then, I'll take MBA course n get a ticket to go oversea (maybe Aus...) n try my best to blow away all my memories 'bout u, ever' memories which hav pushed me to the depressed mood.............

I hope my memories 'bout u will never bother me again in my life......... U'r an angel, I'm a devil.....................that's why we can't be together...........that's also why we met each other....... Where angel is, devil has to appear to become a background for him.....................

Bye bye Angel- ur Devil..............