Welcome to the illusory world, nothin' here is true and nothin' is wrong. Close your eyes and Open your mouth. Do ya see anythin' now? Not? Oh, come on, how can ya see things with closed eyes >___<

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Sooooooooooo tired!

How many times do I utilize this phrase????I don't remember.............don't even wanna count............just 'cuz too tired!I went out with my friends tonight.......I smiled a lot, they joked a lot.......said lots of funny things..........beside me fulls of people............but loneliness inside............I lUv U so, DuMmY!

Time comes late today.......................useless............cant help me to recover anythin'...............missin' U permanently in my mind................Friendz, crusher...................nobody could fulfill ur gap.............Dont balme me stupid! It's useless!.............'cuz I'm really.............iT's mE siNce tHe dAy u mailto:leFt@#$%^&*^%&*()!

Dont leave me! I just wanna shout out this sentence..............but sth choked............tight tongue..........tears are liberated today......................I just wanna cry, yell ur name so many times., hug u tightly n warmly................in my arms............I cry n beat u on ur chest hardly.................then, choke............n cry more n more................sTuCk wIthOut uR luV!

Tell me where u come from...................dont tell me ur origin....................dont tell me u forget me totally...............'cuz in my heart............it's where u belong.................always............forever until the day I get married..................with U.......................where I can find the peace, silent a minute.........a rest for my heart n my mind..................it's where I belong..............plz take me back to HIM..............He may forget me..............but plz don't let us fall apart..............I belong to HIM...........only HIM................he belongs to me........................not compulsory.............He does not need to be so................if he does not want................sadness, tears n depression would help me to wash out my hurt..................bUt, juSt tAkE mE baCk!

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Birthday's empty
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This is my birthday party......just around some people came.....n they came scatteredly........whatever...........so funny n so happy!
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Well, this is such a great time in my life when ever'sadness, worryin' n their stupid tail all disappear!
I open my heart totally n receive people's luvs all around..........
Happiness is when u'r pleased with ur "assets"....
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I cant say totally I forget HIM.....actually I still think of HIM but in a positive way..........n believe in the miracle of the life...........one day, God might bring ME back to HIM- my love........One day, we'll know, Yep, it is!
However, stubborn I am! He's still my destiny until I find a new one replaced the position....!!

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Wednesday, December 20, 2006




Your Love Number is 9



You are a peaceful person, and you tend to have calm, stable relationships.

Connecting deeply is another skill of yours, and you tend to know lovers well.

Trusting and laid back, you are an easy person to love.

Love can be a little blinding for you, so open your eyes a little more!

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Friday, December 15, 2006

EmPty.....................eMpty......................
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This is such a tired day, hix, so many stuffs to do.............CSS is totally crazy like her name, how can I read, highlight, take notes n draw mind map for 4 chapters in just OnLy 1 dAy?????
T_____________T, kiLl mE inStEad!
Ack ack, my birthday's comin'............1 more year.............much more stuffs must b done...................so be adult for wHaT?????
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Tired tired...........I hate studyin'...........today is a grEaT dAy!.........I've got the meanin' of hAppIneSs.......it's when u'r satisfied with ur life..............he he, life's hard to be satisfied........he he, that's why I'Ve beEn uP leVel...........he he ^0^
Stayin' at home's never a boredom..........just recognize that some near days...........it's even a joy..........I feel safely here..............at home............neAr mY beLuVed pEoPle!
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I become more n more timid............not in the appearance (inversely, I'm so friendly n open these days, he he, catch this opportunity!!!!)..............but iN mY inNer miNd?!?
Oe oe oe, computer's got viruses, Y____Y..........11 viruses.............hix, hav to del n re-format the Win..............T________T, uNlUcky lIke bE bItTen by dOg!

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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Not the hot day, it's not rainin' today!
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Runnin' in the yard........shoutin'.............n sweatin'.......happiness n sadness..............runnin' for just a piece of mental~~~~!
Be stuck in a room...........countin' 1 long arrow n short one another...............Listenin'.........it's important.............change my life somedays............hold pen in hands...........made it move..........line by line.............not straightly$%^&****!
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2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.............be closedly acquainted.............happiness n hurt...................a drop of water 6th or 7th or even more................non-sense stimes..............n meanin'ful stimes..............dedicated all my heart for s/b.................then, take it back not fully.............only a half...............dOn'T wAnt tO loSe anOtHer haLf.............Mr.Doe asks for it- a half-oe, only a half..........I keep for myself............some........some more asks for it............hestitated.........gIvE oR nOt?............wanna......but cant.............stuck)()()()()(!

Tried.......... to be hurt....but not try.........unable to feel pleasant........#############!

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Totally.....I change
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God gives me chance to meet T, he's my just-friend........he has a crush on me.......He usually looks at me.......silently, try best to catch my attention...........with jokes, with events n news...........I smile n he immediately grabs my eyes with a meaningful mess behind his eyes.................He's waited for me outside of the door........to say sth with me..............I know..................before, I would have felt shy n hestitated........today, I felt nothin'.........smile n say some normal things..........walk into the door which's kept by him..............nO fEelIng iNsiDe mE!
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God provides me an opportunity to meet C, he's not my friend........I meet him once or twice a week depends on the study schedule...........he's older than me.........he gives me several useful advices..........he's trembly.........facin' me........he's miserable in hidin' his feelin'...........he stares at me often..........he likes me for sure.........n he's stuck in his luv............with me...........nOthIn' bE iNsiDe!
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God sends me an occasion to meet G, he's my indirect friend........I know him.......n he knows me..........we know each other............not yet spent time together.......He invited me........a date............I halfly agreed........I arrived there...........but not met him........although he's there........Then, we'r gonna meet each other again........I wait..........but it's meanin'less............I know...........from the bottom of my heart.........it says............not now.........maintenance time..........wait! O.K, let's see!
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God invites me to his garden "LUV", he's left me outside.........n.............just wait......he said........I'v seen lots of people........comin' in....n.....out the door.........some'r smilin'.............some'r cryin'...........some'r normally walkin' as a habit or a must................but some do not intend to walk into that door.........but they'r absorbed...........like mental flirted by magnet........some'r eager to come into.......then, never see them out...........some'r curiously steepin' into.........then, regret.........not wanna be out..........but the door's already closed........they'r paused..........gaze at the door many times...........not want to walk away..........I'm gradually impatient more n more............God's not come back.............it seems like I've to wait more.............but why? There's available door............just push it n come in...........a little curiousity.........a little hestitation...........what's behind that door? A joy or a sadness? A happiness or a depression?..............Would I lose anythin' to compensate?.............Would I get some subsidizing instead?........
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Well, actually..........I've tried once..........reach the door........a surprised shock...........uncomfortable...........but able to addictive-formin'........

Oe, better to sit here n wait for God comes back........lookin' into the door.......I see God...........he's talkin' with a baby..................he seems to do dealin' sth..........baby's cute with innocent face........baby stares at me.........baby says sth with God...........God seems to try to implore sth more..........baby refuses.........n I see God's disappoinment...........baby does not want to redo sth.............what's that? Does it relate to me? ..........I'm wonderin' here- outside of the door-...........then, I see baby's given God a paper...........a word written on that.........Curiously, I shout loudly............."Let me see it, dear God!"...........God seems to hestitate.........."I guess, u would not prefer it.......Nope, I wont...".......a little disappointed.......I'm angry at God.........but baby smiles with me.........nOt yEt fiNisHed- Baby says smiley!

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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

I've made u sad today........
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I know 'bout it when looked straight to ur eyes.......U did not look at me........but the way u show......lets me know that u'r hurt...........I just intended to make u try that feelin'.........the way I feel............I want to let u get that hurt......smoothly but deeply..............n I thought that would satisfy me............I wished to do it all the times..........then, when it's done..................I feel sad also.......
Why? U'r deserved to get it..........U did break my heart n painted black my optimism......U luv ME but u ever says it out loud.............Does it make u ashamed to say ur luv to Me?
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Well, I even want to do more more moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee just to let u fall into the valley of sadness n frustration...............
I don't blame u.............but actually since the day I met u, I've gradually not taken care of my studyin'- one of the used-to-be-most-important to me previously.........Ur mistake? or Mine?
I failed the mid-term test! I've received this news with a cold face..........nO fEeling inSidE...!
How papoo I am! What should I do? I know my luv's gone away........I know it's too hurt to recognize a hurt..............But why? why? Why I could not turn back to the Me I's used to???
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If I had known luv's able to change Me, nEvEr! eVer!fOreVer, I would not have given it a chance to penetrate into my life...............
Stimes I wonder is my six-sense wrong? It tells me that u'r my half of life.......mY mAN.........1/2 my soul, my heart n my later life..................Then, it seems like we'r not born for each other..........
I'm not sad anymore..............just feel so tired...............tell me where I could find a way to get out of this bad mood????!!!?????
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Dummy- it's ur name but not urs, I made this for u, u dont know 'bout its existence...........n u'll never get the chance to know that................I just feel regret I should have not created this name for u...............'cuz now it becomes a big stone preventin' me from the way out.
The way's named "FORGET YOU"

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Saturday, December 09, 2006

One joy for each day
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Today is a happy day ^>^, i've got several happiness in the same day, ahhhhhhhhhh, great! I luv TODAY!
Well, 1stly, Mr."Thot", he he, his full name is Kev..., but he has a broken leg due to the accident (ack ack, it's on the way of recoverin' ^>^) took care of me much although I'm not his favorite stud! Then, he took me as an example for the theories several times, he he, it's normal, I know, but I felt happy of that, he he ^0^
2ndly, in Desgin class today, there was a boy stared at me, eh eh, don't misunderstand huh! He's my friend, but difficult to get acquainted with him...so, he he, happy happy, it seems like he was considerin' 'bout acceptin' me as his friend, hao hao ah ^+^
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3rdly, ack ack, today I've got a HipHop class, he he, I missed 2 ws of it, hence, ack ack, teacher seemed to focus on teachin' only me, T__T, how bad my dance was! Back to the past, I used to good at aerobics dance sooo much, then, ack ack, for a long time did not practices, Y__Y, sooo bad nah...! Oe, he helped me almost all the steps, ack ack, so bad nah.......The only pleasant thing was derived from the practices n movements of Hiphop lesson! So great! I'm a kind of sporty girl, so I'm very eager to exercise, ha ha, so great!
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It's been such a long time until this great mood comes back again! Yeah, I luv this life!
He he, today I've got around 10 calls from my friend n my teammates, he he, so buzi huh! Additionally, I recognize that my friendz always take care of me n luv me as the way I am, so happy!!!!!!!!!!
Oe, then, one of my new friend called me several times to ask me for a date, T__T, so regretful, I've got so many stuffs to do, so, cant accept his invitation *0*
Whatever, such a gorgeous day!
I LUV U, TODAY

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Wanna date a Scorpio?
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If you're thinking of taking on a Scorpio, you're in for a wild ride. You can be certain of one thing, though; you'll never be bored. Notorious for drama, passion, fierce honesty and determination, this water sign can bring out the best or the worst in you.
The Legendary Scorpio PassionDeeply sensual and desperate to explore every experience mentally, emotionally and physically, the Scorpio redefines passion. Not surprisingly, physical relationships with are very rewarding, and if you enjoy deep and complete involvement with another person, the Scorpio could be just what you've been longing for.
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That characteristic passion isn't limited to the bedroom. The Scorpio is passionate about his pursuits and does nothing without all of himself. That dedication translates to his relationships, his work and his hobbies, which can make for admiral commitment to excellence or border on obsession. In personal relationships, the Scorpio's passion and emotional needs can become overwhelming, too. They are ruled by their emotions and can become hurt and angry when their emotional needs are not met.
Piercing CuriosityScorpios are endlessly curious about the world around them and how everything in it works. They often have stores of unusual information -- the product of that inquisitiveness -- that can challenge you, inspire you or drive you out of your mind. The good news? You can forget about awkwardly quiet dates; your Scorpio will never run out of conversation.
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Of course being Scorpios, their interest can easily gravitate to human emotions in general and themselves in particular. And when their curiosity does turn to you, be ready to answer a barrage of questions until the Scorpio gets what she wants!Your Scorpio may believe that she sees the reality much more clearly than you (and because of her obsessive pursuit of the truth, she might!). While her insight can be invaluable when it is welcome, it can also leave you feeling belittled or offended when you're not turning to her for answers. The best defense is clear communication. If a Scorpio understands (and agrees with) your reasoning, she will respect your decisions. And if that doesn't work, try making an emotional appeal. Scorpios are ruled by their emotions and will understand why you feel attacked much better than why he or she is wrong.
Under AttackWhen the Scorpio is angry, beware. While not openly combative, Scorpios will need to seek resolution for their feel
ings, and they're more than capable of biding their time in doing so. Think that argument was over last Monday? If he wasn't satisfied with the outcome, it will come up again when you least expect it. Try not to feel that he's been smoldering over it for weeks, though; finding the right moment for conflict is the Scorpio's way of dealing with his feelings.
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And when you're dealing with a Scorpio, it's more important than ever to address and resolve those conflicts. His stubborn tenacity makes him a world-class holder of grudges. Plus, at the heart of it all, Scorpios are easily hurt. They need to feel like their emotions are addressed, and the more you can openly communicate, the less likely your Scorpio will be to take a misunderstanding to heart.
The Scorpio Hold If you're thinking you might change a few of those habits in time, you might want to go looking elsewhere -- the Scorpio is infuriatingly resistant to change. Scorpios hold as firmly to their beliefs (good luck proving them wrong!) as they do to their goals. That lack of adaptability may make them impossible to deal with when changes are underway, but it also makes for a driven, goal-oriented partner who is often very successful in her pursuits once she finally achieves them. That tenacious behavior is probably why Scorpios are also fiercely loyal friends and lovers. They may fight relentlessly against you to defend their beliefs, but they'll fight for you with the same conviction.

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All about the Archer
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Sagittarians entice some and confound others; you're unbelievably sexy and stunningly elusive. Your active mind, mischievousness and tempting flirtatiousness make you hard to resist. Enthusiastic, fun and effusive you're often the favorite in your circle of friends, yet your bluntness and tendency to 'evangelize' about your latest fascination can drive people to distraction.
As a personality, you're reliable and are good with keeping secrets.
However, the mutable fire in your nature means that if enraged you can be wounding with your words. Yet, when you've been hurt or wounded by others, no matter how gravely, you are quite forgiving. You'll find your most satisfying growth comes from travel or mental exploration whether through reading, academics or philosophy.
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Most people who know you would describe you as honorable, generous, truthful and optimistic even in the face of obvious defeat. You're a passionate learner and a passionate lover, always drawn to the new idea and the new face. Social concerns are an area of life that offers great rewards for you. You have an innate call to justice and will expend your considerable fiery energy in defense of someone who's been treated unfairly, especially if they are unable to defend themselves.
Your mind is active and seeks truth above all. This often leads to a lifelong fascination with knowledge, learning, religion, metaphysics, spirituality or dogma. Because you're a mutable sign, your allegiance will be strong just up until the point when you become fascinated with the next idea. This can sometimes earn enmity from dogmatic or fundamentalist friends as you trot off to your new fascination. Their rage will be utterly mystifying to you as will their resistance to your new quest.
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The life of the mind is your paramount interest, not adherence to any particular philosophy. You love new ideas, new projects, new endeavors but you're not terribly good at completion or commitment. Try to find a career that values your creative, idea-generating mind and will entrust the details to others. The best careers for someone as energetic, changeable and quick as you are: teaching, preaching and philosophy. Your skill with information, with analysis, and with words makes you a formidable lawyer, judge or professor. You also thrive in working in social programs as a leader, initiator and developer, especially organizations working for social justice internationally. Any field that has a component of travel will suit you well, from being a pilot, international journalist or even soldier.In love, you are as ardent as any other fire sign; if you find someone with whom you feel you can safely explore all your other interests you'll be steadfast.
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However, if thwarted you may seek your freedom outside your commitment. Your primary need is to feel free, and with the right partner you can feel that freedom inside a commitment. If you're lucky, you were born with that need for freedom being entirely satisfied intellectually, if you're unlucky you'll have to manage your desires for others and for commitment very carefully. You sometimes feel uncomfortably driven by a fear of entrapment; yet you know commitment is where deeper growth lies.
Being convinced that the world offers unlimited possibilities can actually prevent you from the very depth and richness of experience you're afraid of missing out on. In other words, sometimes what you're looking for is in front of you; if you resist the urge to gallivant away, you'll discover what you've wanted all your life. The other things you'll grapple with are your impatience, your changeability, your need for movement and activity, your need for recognition and your ambition.
All of the above may make you blind to the effects your consuming efforts are having on your family and co-workers. Be careful to notice and control your tendencies to be domineering and boastful, extravagant and restless. Your pursuit for the next new thing can mean you become shallow and even promiscuous. You can become self-righteous and moralizing, sometimes to the point of hypocrisy. Your desire for the truth can mean that your bluntness is hurtful to those who ask for your opinion.
After inadvertently hurting someone with the truth, you'll always be deeply sorry and regretful. All in all, your gifts are enormous, your potential is huge; and your worst enemy will nearly always be your own inability to temper your instincts and impulses. Manage yourself well and there's almost nothing your ambition can't achieve.

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Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Miss U when away from U

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Some MistaKes'r knoWn onLy by us

N notHin' coUld sorRow my heArt anY moRe....

To recoGnizE my nAive n foOliSh....

GroW not enOugh to gEt tHe meaNin' of liFe!

LoSin' dId nOt I knoW

ONe paSt n one haLf of haPpy

of a PrivaTe liFe........!

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I'm so, So scarEd of dArk

AlOne sTep baCk the eMpty roOm

Alone N alone, beWildeRed I am

QuieTly findin' Ur shaDow

We sAy gOodbYe in tHe day

When wolLen scArf not yEt kniTted

WhEn the pIc draWn in my loVed colOr

U haVe nOt finiShed......
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AwAy neVer a haPpy, doN't u thiNk?

Love meSs no loNger fOr me............

MovEd to teArs, u walKed out tHat doOr

HolDin' hAnds, I hoLd mySelf....

U went Away n gAp's stiLl....

ScAred, cloSe eyeliDs, I soOthe me inTo a sleep!

ArouNd me, flickErin' ur silhoUette....

Try to coNvince to bElieve "we'r fAr awAy"!





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Sunday, December 03, 2006

Stuck.............

OMG, my life becomes more n more tough daily...........Yesterday, or maybe some days before, I 've got a shocked news..........Dummy luvs other girl.........

Well, I know this will happen some days, but I don't think that it comes so fast......Before I can prepare to stand for it.................
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I am actually stuck now, I do not know what to do now............I can't focus on doin' things any more..............Jaenu has her own prob.........but is she too selfish when she ignores my calling for help?????????????
What does it mean? FRIEND? I have to stand for her these days, I can't stand it any more..........She never takes care of my feelin' as if only she's feelin'.........


It's hard for me to get this news.....................I get used to thinkin' that Dummy is my fate man...........Now, it strongly demonstrates that my six-sense is totally wrong............It makes me lost the control n direction............

I find it very difficult to share my confidence.......That's why I always pretend as if I'm very fine, I smile a lot but nobody could know that it's when I'm very sad even depressed....
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10 yrs, I still not be sure that whether Jaenu considers me to be her friend or not. I always tried my best to lift her up.but when I was depressed she just took care of herself n even not take care of me.

I'm fed of it.I should think 'bout our friendship again n again. Friendship is not one way givin', it requires to be gettin' from the other side also........

Jaenu does not know that or she tries to ignore of that???????????

I don't know, but I find it very hard for me to keep stand for it...............

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