..............IN CASE OF.............

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In case of 1 day I forget u.....

Sad will u be, my honey?

I said I think of u...

Yep, in fact I do, yes I do.........

But it's faint, slender n slim

N dropt n over, it's over....!

In case of missin' u, I do

Happy will u be, my darling?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I said I would think 'bout u

Believe it or at least I do....

N it's sure just vague, u know

Slip a little , away heart....

Roamin' n roamin'

Unable to find u for me

Stated again n again

I'm thinkin', thinkin' of.......

U much more, I do

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In case of lapsus "I...do...uh...I"

I,uh, Mr.sth, I miss U!

^>^ + ^>^= ^X^

Nov 29th 2006- some diary notes........: Stuck n Depressed

Shittttttttttttt, nope, I don't mean life....life is not shit!!!!!!!!!!!
But people around me all get mad n it seems like they try to let me down, no way!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've got 2 lovely sisters in my life, one is my younger sis at home and the other is my buddy- Jaenu. I can not say that I luv them more than ever'one, but in some ways, their ranks are just behind my parents n my current lover.... Nope, it's not correct totally, stimes theirs even are much higher than Dummy....
Now both of them are in problems, negatively n postively.
My younger sis, call her Su Chan, she's stepped into the 1st step of the ladder named ADULT, she's got a bf! Well, I've to admit that it was such a big shock for me at the 1st time...I've got used to thinkin' that Su Chan is still a baby...an innocent babe who is very lucky 'cuz of not yet dippin' in the mud... then I recognize that I was wrong, how shocked I am!!!!!!!!! However, it is not such a bog problem ('cuz I took my little cute foot n dipped it in the mud very soon, when I was just 12y/o, around 6th grade ^>^), until she starts to tell lies n be proud of it (she thinks that nobody could find out the truths...). But she's got the wrong way, I'm her omni, older than her, more experienced than her, moreover, I luv n take care of her n we also hav a same horoscope sign: Sagittarius!!! That's why I discover that she tells lies n I am so sad 'bout that..... I promise her that I wouldn't tell anybody if she tells me the truth... But she still not believes in me, I'm so sad n even depressed.....!

Similarly to Su Chan, Jaenu is my 10-y buddy, can u believe? 10-y buddy? So, u know how closed we are with each other, how much precious time we did share n how we understand 'bout each other... But what do all of these things mean?when Jaenu's depressed now n I'm frustrated!!!!!!!!!
I's tried my best utilizin' many methods with the main aim to lift her up... but I'm still failed... What should I do? Her life experiences a big change negatively and extremely... She's lovelorn with her 1st deep luv....She luvs him so n it's also the 1st time she did put lots of hopes, dreams n efforts in constructin' it....Then, he went away n ever'thing seems to be collapsed! She was very painful in her heart... She told me that she ever waste a tear for this man, but who knows?
She tries, tries harder n harder, then she's halfly overcomed it.... She still thinks of him n it still hurts her much....

Then, she put lots of emotion n attention into her relative- Charles.... But in fact, I've to say that she was too possessive when she wants him to only well-treat her.... Suddenly, he turns his attention to one of Jaenu's relative omni... She got very angry, she yielded at him, said bad things 'bout him n victimize him with many unlucky accidents.... I don't judge whether she's right or wrong... Just feel so sad for her, 'cuz after that she's fallen again into the hole of depression...N this time, it seems that she could not recover anymore..... She told me that she has a crush on Dummy's friend, a cutie guy.... N I did hope that this would lift her up.... but, she thinks he's nothin' n seems to far far away the real life, she tries to shut down the door of her mind n never allow anybody to come into it again....

What could I do??? I luv them sooo much..........N nobody in this world could replace their positions in my heart....I have to do sth, even they may yield at me n say some bad thing to me "it's not ur job...", "u're too curious..."......... But I still hav to do sth..........
God, If I could ask u 1 question.... "Why do you create me n put me into this life when I seems to be useless n nobody needs me actually???
Even my lover- Dummy- he gets angry at me this morning.....He seems to blame me 'cuz I do not try to entreat him to come back to me........What does he actually want??? He wants me to be on my knees n say out loud that I luv him so n could not live w/t him, doesn' he???
O.K, he's got a right to request, it's his rights.... But plzzzz remember that I'm a girl, at least, he must giv me a chance to keep up my appearances' sake....
Yep, Some days we'll know I was the one for you- Dummy....
Years pass away n I still can't forget him...........
Yep, maybe, one day I may recognize that I have closed the door to my heart already like Jaenu...

At that time, who could help me??????

SAGITTARIUS WOMAN

This is a woman who knows the Good Life and who fully intends on experiencing the abundance that Life has to offer. She's philosophical, worldly and has pursued higher education. Sagittarius Woman knows there is always more where "that" came from and will aggressively pursue more. In fact, that's her motto, "More, more, more!" She has a regal beauty and knows that she deserves what she desires. She's radiant, glamorous and professional. Her glyph is the Centaur and represents the manner in which she pursues her desires.
When she sees the prize, she pulls back her arrow and swiftly hits her mark. While others are hitting the low reaching targets, Sagittarius Woman will go for the highest reaching target, nailing it with precision. This isn't so much a personal or professional target as much as it is simply going after the best. Just like Richard Gere in the movie, "Pretty Woman," he wanted the penthouse suite and the balcony seats at the opera because they were the best. He was actually afraid of heights but his fear never stopped him from attaining the best that Life had to offer. Sagittarius Woman sees wealth as her birthright.
Sagittarius Woman makes a perfect leader because she has it all; beauty, brains and body. She can also gather devotion from anyone around her. When she arrives on the scene, everyone knows it. Her smile alone explodes on the scene like a flashbulb from the papparazzi!!! Even with such a Life assurance about her, she tends to be a bit skittish and will often shield her low self-esteem and emotional pain. This woman will rarely live out her Life alone and when she couples-up, there will have to be more to this relationship than Love.
Sagittarius Woman is highly drawn to a man who can complete the other half of "Power Couple." In this way, her father figure tendency is complete and her signature "fairytale" expectation is complete too. She Loves fairytales. Hmmmm that brings it back full circle to the fairytale, "Pretty Woman."

SCORPIO MAN

The most important thing you should know about this man is his highly "suspicious mind." BUT WAIT! There is a logical explanation for his suspicious mind. Scorpio is the consummate researcher and fact-finding gatherer. His naturally probing and investigative mind causes him to question beneath the surface of what he actually sees.
Scorpio naturally rules the 8th house mystery, transformation, legacies and sex; therefore, his mind is inquisitive and investigative beyond what he can actually see. If you truly understand how his "suspicion mind" works, then it will be easier to interpret his actions and reactions.
While Scorpio Man is getting to know you, he is not suspecting you of inappropriate behavior by asking you questions. What he is doing is waiting, wondering and studying his prospective partner until he is sure of you. This man is famous for being jealous, accusatory and over-protective. If he feels any inappropriate behavior on your part or if he has uncovered a mismatch in your testimony, you better believe he'll call you on it. He may appear obsessive because his mind is always questioning something.
Naturally ruled by the planet Pluto, he is powerful and dynamic. Scorpion Man is strict, severe, passionate and intense in his beliefs and behavior. He's so intense and passionate that the color "burgundy," (which runs deeper than red) will actually get his attention. This man is also serious, shrewd and not at all superficial. He means IT, whatever IT is. If this man says he Loves you, believe it! He can be quite intimidating either personally or professionally because he is neither indifferent or casual.
He may appear pessimistic to his core, but this is only because he is prone to question first. He will see right through any fake appearances. Scorpio Men make excellent police officers, investigators, detectives, researchers or anyone who's job it is to question constantly. He is generally attracted to women who have a sunny disposition and an engaging personality, which ironically is the opposite of his. Yes, this man is very sexual. As the saying goes, if you want Good sex, go to bed with a Scorpion! Sex is important to him and he will have no problem showing it. He's a mystery man, known in the zodiac as Agent 007.

When Angel defeats Devil

Seein' ur photos, nope exactly ur friend's photos n u're in those... A hard heavy rock weigh upon my heart... My mind seems to be away.... I cant' think anythin' my mind is empty n I even could not breathe....
I dont' know how to explain that feelin', I'm still in that mood when writin' the entry....
I am so ashamed.... I am a devil or even a more fierce than that.... U might be not an angel, but u live as a way u are.... U express ur thinkin' ur feelin' directly w/t any hestitation whereas I cant'.... I admire u, honestly!
U know, I've just cried.... As usual, I stepped very quickly to the bathroom, closed the door carefully, then sat on the cover of the chair... silently, I cried... Tears were busted....
I was such a terrible girl, I just luv myself.... I've told people with assumed-to-be clever lies...I thought I was smart.... I'm the No 1... But I'm wrong.... U show me that a happy life couldn't be achieved when I do not know how to luv others, or even try to do so.............

Starin' at ur photos, U were smiling with ur friend... n it's quite clearly that U're completely happy with what u hav............... I'm a loser............ I've got more friends than u,...........some are considered to be my buddiess, but what's got? I cant' not express my real feelin' n my luv...........I cant' share confidence with others.........although I really wanna share.........I can't.................
Meetin' u makes me recognize that all of my achievements since now are nothin'............. I'm a good child with my parents, a smart n experienced omni in my younger sis's eyes, often be concerned as an example for her..........I'm a social, extroverted, optimistic n always-happy girl- it's what my friendz state 'bout me............... A good student with a long study excellent achievements........... a cutie girl with many "tails"..........
It seems like my life has nothin' to complaint...........Then, u happen, u come into my life, 1stly as a stranger.............u get acquainted with me through my thinkin'...... U stared at me ever' time u had a chance..........while at the same time I ignored u as much as I can...........

I's wrong totally............. I feel guilty................ I think that I could not meet u again, I'll be ashamed of lookin' at ur adorable innocent face.......... I met u, got acquainted with u, luved u, let u know 'bout that, made u sad n be stuck in several questions n I left u...........all things for purposes........... not good purposes............

U know, my purpose is to demonstrate that u'r weaker than me..........I'm invaluable.............. that I've a right to be higher than u......... although I did not express it out, actually I treated myself as a queen.......... then, cosseted myself as a adorable princess in that queen's eyes...............

Yep, I admit all my intentions........... I've decided I hav to get out of all of these shit things.........after graduation, I'll do some social activities...... then, study Mkt course, it'll take me only 7 monthz, not much..........Then, I'll take MBA course n get a ticket to go oversea (maybe Aus...) n try my best to blow away all my memories 'bout u, ever' memories which hav pushed me to the depressed mood.............

I hope my memories 'bout u will never bother me again in my life......... U'r an angel, I'm a devil.....................that's why we can't be together...........that's also why we met each other....... Where angel is, devil has to appear to become a background for him.....................

Bye bye Angel- ur Devil..............

I know it's not good, not really good to keep thinkin' 'bout u all the time n all the day...
There's a boy tryin' to flirt me...But I still think 'bout u...I even cant' giv him a chance...I know it's not good, esp when we're apart n u may forget mostly 'bout me or at least, u dont' waste ur valuable time to think 'bout me...

"Luv blinds people n makes them to become a donkey...". Yep, it's right in some ways, esp with me... Better than yesterday, I dont' spend all my minutes to remember u...But u're still on my mind... U may not know how much important u are for me...I miss u hour by hour ('cuz I said that I did not spend all the minutes thinkin' of u ^>^)

U know what I even couldn't pass away the habit of thinkin' of u 1stly whenever gettin' a sadness or a happiness...

The current man is good, yep, he's independent n quite eager to get acquainted with me...But there's still a boundary, a space b/t me n him...He's a good joker, he makes me laugh a lot...Yep, however, I still think that u'r my best man ever...
U made me smile a lot, though not ur intention...But u also caused me cried much...I had ever cried for anybody as much as I did for u...Nope, it's not correct...I cried not for u, just for me, I cried 'cuz I's so disappointed when most of my dream n my hope did not become true...I cried for the deadlock of our rltship...

I luv u, u luv me, we luv each other n we know that...But I did not know what to do, I's so vain, so overconfident...U were also, beside that u were even timid...N it seemed that we were not born for each other...
What should I do, Dummy?
What will happen if 1 yr later u'r still on my mind?
What will happen if 2 yrs later I'm still unable to overcome the feelin' of luvin' u?
What will happen if 3 yrs later I still cant' open my heart 4 another person?
What will happen if even more n more yrs later I may judge people comin' to me in a fair way?
...................................................................
I hate to think 'bout that stuff, I'm still young, a wide n potential future's waitin' 4 me...I do not really wanna bury my heart in the sadness, it's just in the case I can get my heart back from u...Otherwise, I hav to remain borderin' u daily to ask for my heart back...
At that time, won't u be mind 'bout that? U'll be pleased to welcome me n not hurt me any way, wont' u?

Song: No Promises

Singer: Shayne Ward

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.

Every time you're near I feel like I’m in heaven, feeling high I don’t want to let go, girl.

I just need you to know girl.

I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight, No promises.

Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

Here tonight Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.

Everytime you're near I feel like I’m in heaven, feeling high I don’t want to let go, girl.

I just need you you to know girl.

I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight, No promises.

Baby, now I need to hold you tight,

I just wanna die in your arms I don’t want to run away,

I want to stay forever, thru Time and Time..

No promises I don’t wanna run away, I don’t wanna be alone

No Promises Baby, now I need to hold you tight, now and forever my love

No promises I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight, No promises. Baby, now I need to hold you tight,

I just wanna die in your arms I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight,

No promises. Baby, now I need to hold you tight,

I just wanna die in your arms

Here tonight

Luv has its own language that not all people could learn...

This is such a good song.

"Stimes the loser wins..." n "...dare to dream"

Never lose ur dream- a good n meaningful message

Seven in luv with.....a girl

Yep, strange huh?

Back to the past, when I's still a highschool girl, naughty and soo innocent. I's curious with several things n very eager to explore new stuffs, esp strange issues.

In those days, in some of my most surprised question, there's an interestin' one.

Like normal teenager female, I's flirted some boyz. Besides some normal ones (normal, yep, so don' need 2 recommend here...!), there're 2 outstanding boyz. They flirted me, I refused them politely (notice!!!!), they turned upside down their mood n seemed to react rudely back to me ??!

I wondered why they did so, I refused politely n of course, in the luv way, a person can not accept luv from ever'body, but only one.

Time will tell..........n actually it's done its job very well.

Today, exactly at around 10P.M November 3rd, 06', I drove a GIRL crazy n she said I's so pissed off (T__T), hix, how shocked I am!!!!

I bet men who has been in the same shoes , would sympathize with me ^=^....

Hix, after shocking time, I felt angry (hix, what de hell!) n I even intended to play a trick on her as a way to release my shock +__+

Oe oe, I've just been lovelorn with a girl.

Oe, what would u think 'bout that?

Oe, oe, oe, oe, shock, so shock!!!!!!